All true winners in life have certain characteristics. If you want to be a winner, you have to develop the same characteristics. These characteristics are the keys to ultimate happiness and success. Here are the two most important keys.

I've been writing about how important it is to have high, unconditional self regard. Every winner in life has high self-esteem. High unconditional self regard creates high self-esteem.

In the 1950's unconditional self regard was all the rage in the mental health field. Carl Rogers became famous for his form of therapy. The therapist treated a patient with unconditional high regard, hoping that the person would take on this attitude towards himself, and in most cases it worked.

You can give yourself unconditional high regard, accept yourself no matter what. Understand that you are doing the best that you can. Be gracious; understand that others are doing the best that they can. This is a simple yet extremely effective formula for having successful relationships with people.

Now some of you might think, This is the ticket, I just get to accept everything I do, good and bad, and I get a free ride. I can do anything and it is okay.

Ah, but that is not the way it works. In order to have true happiness, you have to have true self-esteem; you have to have true unconditional high self regard, which means you must do only things that you are proud of. How can you regard yourself highly if you are ashamed of yourself? You cannot go around doing things that you are ashamed of. It does not work, if you truly want to be a winner. This is the second secret - living with integrity.

The first secret, which I have discussed in earlier writings, is giving yourself unconditional high self regard, accepting and loving yourself. The second secret is do only things you are proud of. That maintains your integrity.

Maintaining your integrity:

Integrity means doing things that are ethical, doing the right thing. First and foremost, keep your word. How much do you admire a person whose word you can trust? Live in such a manner that people can say of you, Her word is her bond.

You do not go around making promises to people just because you think that is what they want to hear, and then not following through with it. If you are giving a party, you want a person to mean it if they say they are going to come, you do not want them saying that they are coming, expect them, and then be disappointed.

If you do this to people, they are going to catch on and start losing their faith and trust in you. They may say something like, He seems like a pleasant fellow, but you know you can't really count on him. When it comes to doing business, theyll find somebody else.

It's obvious, if you don't keep your word in business dealings, people wont trust you and keep doing business with you. You may trick somebody into a one-time sale, but you will not get repeat business - and repeat business is the most lucrative business - and you can imagine what kind of word-of-mouth you get. Without integrity, your business and your life will be one long struggle.

You will wind up not only feeling bad about having a poor business; what is worse, you will feel bad about yourself.

Do you want to be a winner?

Then remember the second secret of being a winner is to be a person of high integrity.

Only do things which you can be proud of.

Keep your word.

2004/2006 Stan Mann