The other day I realized that I had an odd number of socks in my sock drawer. And by that I do not mean that I had twelve socks, although twelve is a strange number. In reality, the number of socks was such that one sock did not belong to a pair. My first inclination was to throw it out. My second inclination, however, was to keep it just in case: A. I might want to wear two socks on one foot and one sock on the other. This would prove valuable when I want to make one foot jealous in the winter. B. I want to wear a sock on one foot but not on the other. This would prove valuable when I want a blister, or when I take it too literally that a person is going to sock me. This aside, there are many other purposes for a stray sock. So many, in fact, that people will now start losing socks on purpose just to have a reason to utilize the tips below: 1. Everyone knows that socks can easily be turned into sock puppets with a few adjustments and a couple of eyeballs (not real ones). Few know, however, that sock puppets can be turned back into socks. This means that you can take your old sock puppets out of your closet in case of an emergency when you need an extra sock. Don't have a closet? Then check under your bed. Don't have a bed? Then check your closet. Don't have a sock puppet? That's impossible... 2. Aside from everything, nothing makes a better oven mitt than a sock. But this shouldn't be just any sock. Rather, this sock should have plenty of holes in it. Never will taking food out of the oven be so exciting... 3. Use the sock as a boxing glove by stuffing it with two others socks and your hand. While this might seem like a waste of three socks, it's more a waste of your hand... 4. Use the sock as a bracelet by tying it into a loop. Decorate it further by hanging from it one or all of the following: a Slim Jim, two Slim Jims, grapes, a sharpened pencil, or another sock... 5. Host a sock hop. Simply invite the local kangaroos and their joeys, each of which will look quite attractive wearing the socks that you give to them upon entrance. If some sort of disturbance arises, end the party immediately. After all, you supplied the socks... But I digress. |
